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Tesla’s Dirty Little Secret
Investors just let the cat out of the bag.
What makes something valuable? I have a little jade plant on my desk. Most people would forget to water it and let it shrivel into oblivion, but I would happily crawl through a house fire to save it. It was grown from a clipping of my grandma’s favourite plant, and it’s one of the only things I have to remember her by. You see, the value you place on something, especially when that value makes zero sense, inherently unveils a hidden truth. Why am I talking about my house plants? Well, Musk was so busy destroying the most powerful government on the planet that he accidentally let the Tesla board escape from his basement. He was able to round them up before they could find a new subject for their Stockholm Syndrome, but not before the world found out they were intending on replacing Musk. In the aftermath of this shocking event, major Tesla investors were forced to explain the value they place on Musk, and in the process, have given the whole game away.
Tesla has been dying for years now due to Musk’s questionable leadership, but recently Musk committed the equivalent act of ripping out a life support machine’s power cord so he could charge his phone and tweet (Xeet?) some heinous Nazi-adjacent slop.
